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Wayne: So today we’re going to be talking about Tinder a little bit. Well, not so much Tinder, it’s Tinder’s research.
Cem: Based on my extensive knowledge of Tinder. Wayne will be bringing all the …
Wayne: Yeah, I can bring all the … I am the resident Tinder specialist.
Cem: Yeah, he’s been spending the last few years on it, just for this podcast episode to be honest.
Wayne: Yeah, I just had to take a punt.
Cem: It’s nice of you to put the research in Wayne.
Wayne: I know. I know. It’s a lot of hard work, a lot of hours.
Cem: Swiping your fingers massive.
Wayne: So Tinder have put out some information recently, some stats, about Millennials. And interestingly, Tinder, of all people, this is not something you would expect to come from Tinder, but Tinder claim that 72% of Millennials are making the decision to be periodically single.
Cem: Do you think they collect that data for the app or they just realized that people aren’t leaving?
Wayne: Well I think, I’ve got to say, I do think Tinder’s going downhill a little bit.
Cem: As a avid Tinder user, the user experience is just….
Wayne: Well, people are shifting over to the old Bumble.
Cem: Is that more a classy dating-?
Wayne: Yeah. Well, classy, I don’t know. Yeah, a little bit. It’s marketed as a more feminist dating app because the woman has to message first. That’s the rule on Bumble.
Cem: Okay.
Wayne: If you match, a guy can’t send the first message. So he can’t just send a …
Cem: So you can’t just send up your whoo hoo.
Wayne: Unwarranted dick pic, yeah.
Cem: That never worked for you, did it?
Wayne: Although it’s shocking when the woman messages first and she sends you an unwarranted dick pic.
Cem: She’s like, “Does it match up?”
Wayne: Anyway. Yeah, let’s talk about this choice about being single. Because I feel like we are going through a very interesting time. Me and you were having a conversation about this in the pub last week, about how much dating has changed and how much there’s a massive shift in terms of … We were talking particularly about polygamy, and not just dating one person, and playing the field.
Cem: Wayne has helped me stay in a relationship because he’s like, “It’s the wild west out there.”
Wayne: Oh mate. Mate, anything’s better than this.
Cem: Every time I see him in the pub, he’s just traumatized from his latest date.
Wayne: And I think this decision to be single is a sign of the times. And we were talking about that before we hit record because I think a lot, and feel free to jump in on this Cem, but I think a huge amount of it is the pressures that are on young people at the minute in terms of every aspect of life, let alone relationships.
Cem: Yeah, I think, number one, a long-term relationship has a lot to do with compromise and being able to work together to have that relationship that maintains long term. And I think at the moment, a lot of the time I think Millennials are so busy trying to get their careers off the ground, trying to see friends, trying to think about saving, trying to think about getting that first house, and I think it becomes one of these things that actually is a hindrance. It’s something we all need, we all want to feel close. Everybody needs sex. But at the same time, I think it doesn’t really fit into the fast-paced world we’re living in at the moment.
Cem: And so I think a lot of Millennials are just putting it off to focus on themselves, which a lot of the stats are saying that actually the reason why these Millennials are deciding to stay single is to say actually, “You know what? I’m going to focus on my career, I’m going to focus on my friendships,” and stuff like that. And I know you, in the past, yourself have said to me how you go through a phase where maybe you’re seeing someone, then for the next six months you’re like, “You know what? I’m done with relationships for six months.” And then you go through this mad productivity, “I’m just going to focus on my work for the next six months.”
Wayne: Yeah, and it’s interesting because … Okay, so the question just … Sorry. Multiple thoughts going through my head at that point. Do you think it’s a sad state of affairs that we’ve got to the point where people go, “Do you know what? I am going to forgo intimate relationships for my career.”? Do you think that that’s a bit tragic given that we’re also in a position as a society where we’re also saying, “I will forgo my health because of my career. And I will forgo time with my family because of my career.”
Cem: If anything, I actually think it’s a good thing. Because I don’t think people are saying, “I’m just choosing a career because I think it’s better.” I think, as a 30 year old, Wayne, slowing approaching, I have noticed that. Obviously we’ve looked back and seen a lot of young people who have got into that, what looks like a deep relationship, very young, and actually it’s fallen apart because some of these foundations aren’t being put in place ahead of time. And so I think a lot of the time Millennials are saying, “Financially, I’m not ready for a relationship. If I’m in a deep relationship at this age, that means marriage and maybe children are going to come too. And maybe that means now I’ve got to now move into a house and I’ve got to take a step back, and actually my potential to change what career maybe I’m doing is not going to be available.”
Cem: And so I think there’s so many things that are in the minds of Millennials, that actually they are considering the whole holistic what it involves to have a relationship and then saying, “Actually, I’m not ready for that yet.” Which, again, is a bit sad because then you don’t want to lose some of the best years of your life where actually some of the great things of a relationship is actually that you’re going through those experiences together. It’s nice to have somebody to talk to and say, “I’m thinking about switching career. What do you think?”. But actually I think a lot of the time I think Millennials are saying, “Do you know what? I’m not ready for that,” and I think these stats that are in this article promote that Millennials are just like, “Relationships at the moment are just not for me.”
Wayne: Yeah. And I know I’ve been on a recent stint of about 18 months of being like, “Nope. I’m just going to be single. I’m not even going to think about going on dates.” I’d be swiping on Tinder and Bumble, or whatever, just out of boredom more than anything else, just as something to do whiles I’m stood in queue waiting for the old bitty on the self-service checkout to realize that she’s put the wrong item in the shopping bagging area.
Cem: She’s trying, Wayne, she’s trying.
Wayne: She’s trying. I know, I know, I know. But, yeah, but I had gone through this 18 month period where I was just like, “Do you know what? I’m not even going to entertain the idea really,” so make a conscious effort. And I must say it’s been one of the best things that I’ve done. It’s the longest period of time where, from a state of being in a good place, I’ve gone, “I don’t want to date anyone.” I’ve done it in the past but that’s been more because of baggage rather than it has actually been a conscious effort of like, “No, I want to make sure that I am looking out for myself first and working on myself and working on my goals and working on my career and stuff.” And it has honestly been one of the best things I think I could’ve done for myself.
Wayne: So yeah, and I think as a generation, because by the time we get out of university we’ve got so much going on in terms of not knowing who we are, who we’re supposed to be, still working out what we really want from life, because actually despite the fact that from the age of three years old people are going, “What do you want to be when you’re older?,” we’ve never really, until we finish university, had the time and the mind space to just stop and go, “Do you know what? What do I want to be?” And not just in terms of career, but who do I want to be? What type of person do I want to be? Who do I want to be spending time with? All of the stuff that we talk about on this show really. So I do think there is definitely benefits to it.
Wayne: I do wonder though, to almost swing the conversation back to what we were talking about the other day, I do wonder how much single really means single to people …
Cem: Yeah, it depends on who you …
Wayne: … and how much single means just playing the field?
Cem: Yeah, and I think that’s how you define it. And I think, obviously, single for a lot of people just means the ability to have fun, not be restricted, not have to answer to anyone. And I think that suits Millennials really well. One thing recently, I started Jiu Jitsu and at the end of each lesson they do a little talk, a bit of wisdom that they share. And the guy did say, he was like, “There’s two things you need in this life. And the first thing is you need to love yourself and you need to care for yourself.” And he said, after that he said, “Because unless you have those things, you can never love and care for somebody else.” And so I think sometimes our singledom is actually a way to give us that time to actually go inwards. I mean if it means sleeping around and having your fun before you actually figure out what you actually want from life, then maybe that’s the case. And you can’t judge people, that’s their decisions. But I think that that’s sometimes what’s happening.
Cem: I think that Millennials, we’ve seen by all the stats, are kind of lost. And I think until they find themselves and learn to love themselves and accept themselves and not have to portray this fake version of themselves, then I think they’ll have the capacity to look at another person and be able to share that love and care.
Wayne: That was very sweet.
Cem: Thank you.
Wayne: It was very nice.
Cem: Thank you.
Wayne: Look at you, you bit softy.
Cem: Well, you know.
Wayne: 10:30 now, so that’s it, yeah.
Cem: Cem Guru ennit.
If you want any questions answered, or if you have any ideas for anythings you’d like us to address, send us an email, Wayne@powerfulnonsense.com or Cem@powerfulnonsense.com, or you can look us up on the Twitterz @PN_Podcast, and we will take it into consideration. And also, please do leave us a nice little review on the old iTunes. It really does help get the word out there for the show. Five stars or more, greatly appreciated.